i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
