We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
