He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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