If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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