dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
