Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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