I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
