So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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