I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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