Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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