My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
