Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
