My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
