I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
