And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
