Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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