I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
