he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
