You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
