he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
