you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
