that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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