So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
