Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
