Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
