I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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