what day is it and did you see me today?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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