I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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