She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
