I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
