How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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