i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
