My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
