i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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