i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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