everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
PANTIES FOUND
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