what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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