Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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