Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
