I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
