What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dear god my vagina.
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