maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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