Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
