I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
