Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
