I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
