it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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