Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
