Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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