This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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