Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
