I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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