You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
