She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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