dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
