its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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