I CAN MOONWALK!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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