ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
