I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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