Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Still dying that you shit outside
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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