he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
