Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
