Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
