im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
NoShamevember. You game?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
