My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
