now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
