Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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