Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
