Can Purell be used as lube?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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