I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
