LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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