Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
