just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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