i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
