I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drunk is a universal language darling
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