I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize